


Aww, Chute!

by Bruce (PK_preservation_project)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Humor, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 01:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17214392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PK_preservation_project/pseuds/Bruce
Summary: A parody of our favoriteVoyagerepisode.July 10, 2001





	Aww, Chute!

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Leigh, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [P/K All the Way](https://fanlore.org/wiki/P/K_All_the_Way) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [P/K All the Way’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/pkalltheway/profile).

  


**Kim:** Whee! Oof!  
**Prisoners:** Fresh meat!  
**Kim:** I’m only going to take this abuse for a few more minutes before I begin to fight back…. Ow!  
**Paris:** Here I am to save the day!  
**Kim:** Tom!  
**Paris:** Ixnay on the Om-Tay!  
**Kim:** Ow! 

**Pitt:** Me claim cave woman.  
**Kim:** No. I shouldn’t be here.  
**Pitt:** Sucks to be you.  
**Paris:** Here I am to save the day! Expository blah blah blah. 

**Kim:** I shouldn’t be here.  
**Paris:** Duh. Expository blah blah blah.  
**Kim:** Quit being so aggressive.  
**Paris:** You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. They put creatures in our bodies. Made us do things….  
**Kim:** Hey, that’s my line. 

**Prisoners:** Kibbles and Bits! Kibbles and Bits!  
**Kim:** You call this food?  
**Paris:** No, it’s the freeze-dried crew of the original _Enterprise_ from "Wink of an Eye." 

**Ambassador Liria:** Your guys are in prison, and soon you will be, too.  
****Janeway:**** What’d we do?  
**Liria:** You’re providing fodder for P/K’ers.  
****Janeway:**** Uh, oh. 

**Paris:** Oh, Lucy, I’m home!  
**Kim:** I’ve got an Excedrin headache.  
**Paris:** I need to mention the Delaney sisters to establish that we’re heterosexual.  
**Kim:** Whatever. 

**Paris:** I found this phallic symbol in an old Clue game. Can you make a light sabre out of it?  
**Kim:** Who do I look like? MacGyver? 

**Torres:** We have to rescue Harry. Oh, and Tom, too.  
****Janeway:**** Let’s prove their innocence.  
**Torres:** You mean about the terrorist bombing?  
****Janeway:**** What’d you think? 

**Torres:** If we use technobabble, we can find the real bombers.  
****Janeway:**** I just hope most of that is off-screen. 

**Kim:** Knit one, purl two…AUGHHHHH!  
**Paris:** Calm down…I’ll seduce you with talk of food.  
**Kim:** For comic relief, I’ll mention Neelix’s cooking.  
**Paris:** Is he in this episode?  
**Kim:** Not until the third act. 

**Kim:** Ow! Oof.  
**Pitt:** Gimme that pipe.  
**Paris:** No. Instead, let’s have one of those funny _Trek_ fight sequences with musical accompaniment.  
**Pitt:** No. This episode is too dark. Take that!  
**Paris:** Ow. 

**Kim:** AUGHHHHH! I wish I’d learned martial arts like everyone else in Starfleet!  
**Zio:** Your friend doesn’t look so good. I’d like to establish myself as a good guy.  
**Kim:** Nice to meet you.  
**Zio:** Now I’m sarcastic. And menacing.  
**Kim:** Careful. I’ll give you the scowling of a lifetime. 

**Paris:** This is where I give the cliched "save yourself" speech.  
**Kim:** My, it’s crowded in this extreme closeup.  
**Paris:** You think this is crowded, look at the loonies in our bin. 

**Kim:** Wanna trade for food and shelter?  
**Zio:** No, I’m sardonic now.  
**Kim:** I have an escape plan.  
**Zio:** Okie dokie. 

****Janeway:**** We’ve conveniently found the terrorists.  
**Vel:** We represent the Lollypop Guild.  
****Janeway:**** Aren’t you a little small for a stormtrooper?  
**Vel:** Buzz off. 

**Janeway:** Ha! You are now my prisoner!  
**Tuvok:** They did it.  
**Vel:** Okay, I admit it.  
**Piri:** Here’s the information you want. Why not go blow up the bad guys?  
**Janeway:** No, I have principles. Tuvok, put them in our nicest cell. 

**Zio:** While you jimmy the lock, I’ll rant and look like a twisted Christ-figure.  
**Kim:** Whatever. 

**Kim:** There, I’ve fixed it!  
**Zio:** For reasons defying logic, I’ll trust you and test it. 

**Kim:** Almost there…  
**Zio:** Stay on target.  
**Kim:** Almost there…. Oh, poop. 

**Paris:** Unh…  
**Kim:** How are you?  
**Paris:** I was dreaming about Megan Delaney.  
**Kim:** Methinks thou dost protest too much.  
**Paris:** I’m really out of my mind now.  
**Kim:** Hold my hand, just like in "Caretaker."  
**PK’ers:** Hurray! 

**Kim:** At the risk of being too self-referential, I’d like to point out how much more in control I am now, as compared to "Nightingale."  
**TPTB:** Whatever.  
**Zio:** I may be loony, but I’m calm.  
**Kim:** I’m no longer calm. Ow! 

**Paris:** I broke the pipe.  
**Kim:** I’ll kill you!  
**Zio:** This is gonna be good. 

**Kim:** I truly am moral and ethical.  
**Zio:** Buzz off. 

**Janeway:** We’ll trade you the real bombers for our boys.  
**Liria:** Buzz off. 

**Janeway:** Give me the coordinates.  
**Vel:** Buzz off.  
**Janeway:** I said, give me the coordinates.  
**Vel:** Okay. 

**Janeway:** Isn’t Neelix’s ship in our shuttlebay?  
**Tuvok:** Yes. Along with the dozen-or-so other shuttles we have. 

**Pitt:** Is he dead yet?  
**Kim:** This man is my friend. Nobody touches him!  
**P/K’ers:** Hurray! 

**Janeway:** Whee! Here I am to save the day!  
**Neelix:** Thank goodness, I’m getting a check for this episode!  
**Kes:** Me, too!  
**Doctor:** Me, three!  
**Neelix, Kes, Doctor:** Yak, yak yak.  
**Kim:** I’m overwhelmed by guilt and emotion. 

**Paris:** I’ll remember what you said for a long time.  
**P/K’ers:** So will we!  
**Paris:** Come on, let’s go eat.  
**Kim:** Uh, Tom? The mess hall is _that_ way.  
**Paris:** Heh heh. Whoops! 

  


The End

* * *


End file.
